I’m only human

Dear beloved, I’m writing this because it’s been 2 and a half month since we last spoke. I was obsessed with winning you back. You were the love of my life. But you threw me away and won’t give me the time of day. I was jealous of you giving all your attention to these random guys when I had so much trouble seeing you smile. I was possessive I wanted to make sure you were by my side. I kept tabs on you because it’s a scary world out there, I was depressed until you forced most of it away. I had anxiety but I was betrayed my whole life. And in the end you did too… Before that dreadful day I was going to tell you it was time to change. That I was going to fix myself and make you happy again. See, your worth so much to me. Yes you are my first, yes there are plenty more out there, but none are like you. You're not perfect. Not a lot of people like you. Not many people want to even talk to you. But not me. For the year and a half I spent with you I learned so much. And I made a vow that if I got the chance, I’d never make the same mistake. If we got together it would not be the same, but instead it would be stronger. Along with my issues you had one important one as well which I was going to bring up.. you didn’t communicate the way you should. If I did something you didn’t like I should have known but if I didn’t you should have told me. We never argued about the big things that needed to be. And for that I’m sorry. I should have said something as well. When you started getting distant I panicked and tried to be with you even more. In which case I smothered you. But I am only human. You said that your self didn’t you. We all make mistakes. But it’s the fact that we can fix them that make us human.. I can change, no scratch that. I did change. I’m no longer the smothering type I know when someone needs their space. I no longer get jealous when I don’t need to. The depression and anxiety is about the same as you I can’t really fix that. But if I got the chance you won’t see it. I love you, I miss you, and I hope one day you will forgive me for the mistake I made and allow me to be there by you side as well. I miss your family as well, there all so outstanding.. but for now all I can do is be alone. You took the only friends I had to belong away. I’m sorry. Thank you. And goodbye