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W elcome, Player One, to a strategy guide for the game known as Life. As you’ve undoubtedly discovered, the game of Life is often quite difficult. You will face unexpected challenges and long periods of frustration. You will often struggle with self-doubt, feel overwhelmed by helplessness and loss, and sometimes take a shit when you’re out of toilet paper. Yes, Life is hard, as the saying goes. But fear not, this short guide is designed to help you complete your missions and complete the game at the highest possible level. HOW TO WIN AT LIFE Don’t worry, Champ, you got this. The goal of Life is simple: it is to Level Up as much as possible. Each Level in life presents a particular challenge that you must overcome. Once you overcome that challenge, you get to move on to the next Level. The goal is to complete as many levels as possible. At the end of the game, the person at the highest level gets to have the best funeral. There are five levels in life: Level 1 – Find food; find a bed to...

W elcome, Player One, to a strategy guide for the game known as Life. As you’ve undoubtedly discovered, the game of Life is often quite difficult. You will face unexpected challenges and long periods of frustration. You will often struggle with self-doubt, feel overwhelmed by helplessness and loss, and sometimes take a shit when you’re out of toilet paper. Yes, Life is hard, as the saying goes. But fear not, this short guide is designed to help you complete your missions and complete the game at the highest possible level. HOW TO WIN AT LIFE Don’t worry, Champ, you got this. The goal of Life is simple: it is to Level Up as much as possible. Each Level in life presents a particular challenge that you must overcome. Once you overcome that challenge, you get to move on to the next Level. The goal is to complete as many levels as possible. At the end of the game, the person at the highest level gets to have the best funeral. There are five levels in life: Level 1 – Fin...

I have a secret I want to tell you. It’s something I don’t share very often or with many people, but today, it feels appropriate. See, I know you think of me as just this random author guy who sometimes writes cool blog articles, but sadly, there’s a little bit more going on behind the scenes than that. What you didn’t know about me is that I’m actually an omnipresent, hyper-intelligent inter-dimensional being. My knowledge and understanding is so total and complete that it’s not even limited by your four-dimensional space/time. That means not only do I have complete knowledge of all existence, but I also have complete knowledge of all potential existences, the ones that didn’t or even couldn’t happen. So while you sit around and agonize about what life would have been like had you stayed with your ex-boyfriend instead of dumping him, I already know — you fucked up, girl; he was like, a super nice guy. I don’t like to go around bragging about this. As you can imagine, it becomes taxing...