Skip to main content

Sex & Sexuality: Don't Confuse Sex With Love - The Sex MD

Don’t Confuse Sex With Love
In the act of sex we share space, our bodies, desires, expressions of pleasure and lust.  Our capacity for lust – when desire burns in us and we are focused solely on the object of our desire – is molded by our experiences growing up, as is our capacity to love.  Even though many people have the ability to feel both love and lust at the same time, you can usually lust after someone without necessarily feeling love for them, and vice versa. Someone recently asked me the definition of love.  My first thought was, “You’re kidding, right?”  I thought that maybe I should try to find out just what they were looking for in my answer or else we would be there all day!  My mind started reeling with all the many different examples of variations of love. 

The love for a parent or child is so different from love and appreciation of a mentor or friend.  And love for a partner can be anything from loving admiration to needy dependency.  So many people have their own ideas about what love is for them, which may suit them for wherever they are in life. Sex, on the other hand, is a totally different entity.  It does not need to exist under the umbrella of love to be satisfying, exciting, hot, or tender.  Sex can be completely separate from love as an action taken simply for reproduction.  It can also be a distraction or a form of entertainment.  For many people, however, this leaves an empty feeling – a feeling of being exposed without a deeper appreciation.  These are the people who enter into sex hoping to get love out of it, rather thanlove coming of its own accord.In fact, love and sex together can create difficulties in a relationship because the combination of the two often leads to challenging our comfort zone. 

When love creates a desire in us to hesitate for fear of upsetting our partner, sex suffers.  Here’s where the comfort zone part comes into play.  Sex works better with a little selfishness.  When people ignore the importance of a little selfishness in sex, they place their wishes on the back burner and delay their gratification.  And some people even have difficulty having afull expression of their sexuality with the person they love the most for fear that the other person will not approve.The greatest love is that which wants only for the other person’s happiness and complete connection with all around you, loving that person for who they are underneath all the illusion of the body and even their personality. This may be completely separate from sex.  So don’t confuse sex with love.  They are two very different entities.  It is glorious, however, when you find someone that you love but also feel comfortable expressing your sexuality in an authentic way.  Being able to do this while still being aware and attentive to your partner’s wants and needs is the goal for sex, and strangely for love, too.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular

Stop Trying to Change Yourself

Y ou can’t change yourself, so don’t even try. I know that’s not what the infomercials and self-help seminars tell you. But fuck it. They’re wrong. You can’t change. Like a thirsty man in a desert chasing a mirage, or a fat man peering into an empty fridge—there’s nothing there. So stop chasing it. Go do something else instead. Why can’t you change yourself? Because the whole idea of change is an arbitrary construct. It’s something you just made up to make yourself feel good (or bad). Yesterday, I hadn’t written this article. Today, I have. Did I change? Both yes and no are correct answers, depending on how I define change. Technically, you are both always changing and never changing. It just depends on how you look at it. What you decide is change or not is an imaginary line drawn in your head. I could decide that “changing myself” means having a billion dollars. I’ll then sit around beating myself up for not being able to “change” for the rest of my life. Therefore, that’s ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Best Nightlife Hotsposts In Nairobi

Nairobi city transforms at sundown to become the ultimate partying hub, full of revellers bustling about, trying to find the perfect spot to while the night away. Music from the tons of clubs all around seems to get louder as the weekend approaches, and there is no shortage of drinks and snacks to munch on as you rave. Nairobi bars and clubs invest heavily on decor, furnishings and sound systems in a bid to beat the competition and keep their customers loyal. It is always wise to find out what crowd a club targets beforehand or you risk hating to music or not affording enough drinks. Here are 10 of the best nightlife spots in Nairobi: 1. Brew Bistro Brew Bistro is located on Piedmont Plaza along Ngong Road and it is one of the coolest nightlife spots in Nairobi. Brew Bistro is famed for its master brewers and premium brews as well as the exquisite restaurant that serves delicious local and international gourmet meals and bites. The atmosphere before nightfall is mos...
Post a Comment
Read more

#dresscodeyourultimatechoice

I Know a Couple of Men Have Been Misbehaving but Branding Kenyan Men as Lesser Beings to Gorillas Is Outright Wrong Chweya, No! #MyDressMyChoice  This is outright and cannot be accepted according the laws of Kenya. Demeaning Kenyan men being lesser beings than Gorillas is repugnant to justice and morality. We agree that they have being behaving out of the norms of being humans but this doesn't rescind them from being human.  It was an article by one Edward Chweya condemning Kenyan men to the dungeons of ineptness comparing them to Gorillas; actually referring to them as lesser beings. While Kenyan Men Strip And Harass Ladies, This Is What A Gorilla Did To A Lady In Gabon    Like one James George Frazer once said, “The propensity to excessive simplification is indeed natural to the mind of man, since it is only by abstraction and generalisation, which necessarily imply the neglect of a multitude of particulars, that he can stretch his puny faculties so as to e...
Post a Comment
Read more