Is Drunk Sex Rape?

Waking up and not feeling right after a night of drinking is scary. If you’re wondering, is drunk sex rape, because you don’t remember saying yes, what do you do?

I remember a fellow friend having one experience where she was so drunk, she woke up in some guy’s bed. Did she know who he was? Nope. Does she remember having sex? Very vaguely. So now that we all know this happened, would you constitute that as rape? This is a hard question to answer and something that can’t be answered objectively. So, is drunk sex rape? Does it fall into a grey category?

What you need to know about drunk sex

Firstly, you need to know I’m not talking about being tipsy and having sex. I’m talking about being wasted as in you can’t walk a straight line nor can you talk without slurring your speech drunk. We all know alcohol lowers our ability to make right decisions, but if you’re borderline passed out from being drunk, can you really make a decision?

Not all drunk sex is rape. However, if you woke up this morning with a horrible feeling in your stomach and don’t remember saying yes or saying anything, then you most likely had sex without consent which is rape.

We’ve all been drunk, but there’s a line that you can’t cross.

If you can’t remember what happened, it doesn’t matter. Just because you don’t remember everything that happened, doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. There are women who are drugged and raped. And then not remembering anything after drinking their spiked beverage. If you don’t remember what happened but you know you had sex, well, that doesn’t sound very consensual.

How do you feel? When you had amazing, consensual sex, you know it. Your body feels good, you mentally feel good—you’re just overall in a positive state.

However, if you feel you’ve been raped you know. Your body may have indications of rape—bruises, vaginal pain, anal bruising, or bleeding. These are all signs of forced penetration. You know how you typically have sex, so if these signs appear, they’re not from normal sexual intercourse.

Try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. If you think you’ve been raped, but you’re not sure whether or not you want to file a report, then try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. You want to do this relatively quickly because if you do file a report, you’ll need evidence such as a vaginal sample.

Call your friends who were with you that night and ask them what happened and how much you had to drink. Remember to record all this information down if you choose to report it.

Don’t blame yourself. Listen, we all get drunk from time to time. You should be able to get drunk without having to worry about whether you’ll get raped or not. This situation could have happened to anyone, not just you.

So, don’t blame yourself for what happened. The person who raped you should be held responsible for not having your consent.

If you’re both drunk, it is still rape. Many people use the excuse, “oh, well, I was just as equally drunk as she was.” Being drunk isn’t a valid excuse to use to defend yourself from raping someone. If this person was also drunk but they were the one to initiate sexual intercourse, they’re held responsible.

If you were drunk, you’re not fully conscious. When I talk about drunk sex, I’m not referring to when you had two beers and you’re giggly. When you’re drunk, you’re not fully conscious. Alcohol affects the way you communicate with people and how you make decisions.

So, regardless if you wanted to have sex with them earlier that day but now you’re unable to properly function because you’re drunk, this is still rape.

Save any texts or evidence from that night. If you think you’ve been raped, you need to start collecting evidence. Look at your call log, look at your text messages, and save your underwear and clothing. There may be semen on your clothing that can be used to prove you were drunk sex raped.

If you’re lucky enough to have the drink you were drinking last night still with you, keep it. You need to build a case for yourself proving something did happen and you didn’t agree with it.

Just because you didn’t say yes, doesn’t mean you said no. If you don’t remember saying yes, but you don’t remember saying no, is drunk sex rape? Yes! Just because you didn’t say anything, doesn’t mean you said yes.

In fact, you literally didn’t say anything. So, you didn’t give a thumbs up or thumbs down which means they shouldn’t touch you. Silence is not the green light to have sex.

File a report. Choose whether or not you want to file a police report. Some women do not and that’s their personal choice. Some women feel that this is a very personal and intimate matter and would rather just leave it be. While others want to file a report and place responsibility on the individual who did it.

If you do choose to file a police report, which of course, I recommend, you need to be prepared. Though people may sympathize with you, many point the finger to you instead. But you can handle this.

If your friend’s been raped, but she’s in denial, don’t force it. If you have someone in your group of friends who thinks they’ve been raped, support them. Listen to their story and be there for them.

Now, if they don’t want to report it, you can’t force them to do it. It’s their choice whether or not they take this incident to the police. All you can do as a friend is support them and their decision.

Is drunk sex rape? Well, sometimes you have a great experience, but you can also have a very dark experience with drunk sex. Though I hope this never happens to you, if it does, remember it’s not your fault.