So, you’ve heard the word and thought to yourself, ‘exactly what is a chode?’ Don’t worry… you’re about to find out.
Before we start figuring out what is a chode, we’ll need to give some proper context. So, let’s quickly dive into the world of the PUA, or ‘pick up artist.’
PUAs apply seduction or ‘game’ know-how in order to bolster their intimate relationships. For example, a PUA may go out to a bar and walk up to someone they fancy. They’ll start a conversation or build rapport in order to seduce that person right then, or sometime in the future. A PUA might also stop someone they happen to find cute in the moment, say during a walk in the city.
The PUA masculine rite of passage
Think of being a PUA as a phase in a person’s life, not an identity of who they are and what they stand for. It’s more like a rite of passage you go through to get an understanding of some of the less spoken about aspects of life.
Being a PUA is to respect ‘game’ as a skill-set to be learned and developed through trial-and-error. And because game is a skill, you can sort of rank people by how well they understand it. You could rank as: beginner or newbie, intermediate, and advanced. An advanced PUA *or someone who naturally developed great game* will be the type of person to:
-Creates situations where they have many high-quality options for intimate partners in their life at the same time
-Selects their chosen partner out of abundance not desperation
-Generally commands respect and admiration in their everyday life
Point is, whether natural or not, game takes practice. Some people will have practiced game from a very young age. By the time they’re a young adult, much of their game will then come as second nature – like learning a second language as a kid. PUAs call these people ‘naturals.’
Naturals can be the sort of person who had a partner at 15 and paid close attention to game since age 12. Many of them will think PUA stuff is stupid maybe because they got sexual attention from a young age.
But non-naturals often start developing game later in life and so they may get a handle on it through PUA strategies.
PUAs are usually guys, because it’s a community started by men. Also, it’s because, on average, more men take the lead in romantic interactions. Women don’t normally learn the skill of leading courtship, unless they’re masculine and take the lead *in that case especially masculine gay/lesbian women*.
So, what is a chode?
With that said, if we’re talking about a chode, we’re talking about the domain of the masculine. According to dictionary.com, the word chode comes from the word choad. The word may go as far back as 1968 – a teenage slang of unknown origination. Choad means ‘penis,’ but also it could mean a ‘fool’ or ‘moron.’
For whatever reason, the PUA world began to use chode to refer to people with weak game. But more than that, chode is used to refer to a person with poor game who is oblivious to the fact. Sometimes they know their game is weak but have given up trying to improve it, maybe with some excuse such as: ‘I’m not a wannabe player unlike those guys…’
But there’s still more to it than that. A chode is a rich canvas of self-rationalization, frustration, and quiet desperation. So, let’s hit up a definition of a chode from a couple different angles. By the end, you’ll have a better idea of this character.
The chode thinks learning game is wrong. ‘Women are gentle, dick-fearing creatures, aren’t they?’ the chode thinks. ‘And they want a timid guy who’ll be a friend for 3 years before becoming the bf.’
The chode thinks he’s got ‘natural game’ because girls give him the eye sometimes when he’s doing groceries. This is the fundamental thing that makes a chode a chode. They’ll be the ‘wish upon a star,’ sleeping-with-a-teddy-bear, idealist type.
The chode thinks you shouldn’t actually learn and practice how to get sex and relationships. That’s dark magic! Anti-feminist! In reality, his love life is less than he’d like.
The chode is an online hero. The chode needs an avatar to take risks when it comes to his love life. This is the type of person who might play Skyrim on his X-Box on weekends and be far from heroic in reality.
Or an engineer who thinks he can get girls by flashing money at them. No swagger, just provisions and untesting ideas.
The chode thinks he’s a special snowflake. The chode will avoid competition, rejection, and fierce hustle in the hopes that the universe will conspire to give him his very special little fairy princess and castle. Because he’s special, when this doesn’t happen, he falls into a vortex of nihilist depression: ‘whyyy should I have to try!!???’
The chode does what women want him to. PUAs call this guy the AFC or Average Frustrated Chump. He’s got no masculine self-determination about him. He takes female advice on how to be a man.
He watches the TV sitcoms with the browbeat dad and thinks this is his fate. The right noble thing to do, if he can just say and do the right things, the girl will love and validate him. His partner dresses him like he’s a mannequin and berates him often for not getting things right.
The chode hates masculinity and himself. When you’re an AFC and getting shouted at by your partner for minor infringements of her law, you’ll probably be envious of other men who own their shit.
Men who don’t compromise their masculinity, still get girls. He’ll also troll other men that make him insecure. He’s the White Knight. He’s probably a feminist against ‘toxic masculinity.’
He’ll try to balance the scale by sacrificing his own masculinity. The chode can also become the ‘Captain Save A Ho’ type. He’ll try to rescue a female ‘friend’ from a guy who isn’t serious about her. Meanwhile he secretly harbors a crush for the girl he’s trying to ‘save’ through becoming more like a woman himself.
The chode is naïve about sex. Women are angelic and pure. The chode soaks up poetry like this. He ignores the flipsides – that women can be virtuous fonts of love but also narcissistic medusas who will kill weak men on sight.
He has no idea how much dick some girls have available at any moment, should they chose to have it. He thinks the girl wants a guy who is embarrassed about wanting sex.
The chode complains about love. He’s an idealist: ‘If only…’ is his favorite phrase. If only:
-People would just be nice
-People knew how good a person I am
-Women could see through the lies and manipulations of these other assholes
Because he doesn’t live in full reality.
The chode thinks he’ll win through heartbreak. If he can go without getting ass for long enough, then his life must have meaning. And the universe will reward him for his stoic inability to learn how to get what he wants in life.
He gets no sex or intimacy and hopes if he believes hard enough, his fortunes will change. His worst nightmare is to really go for what he wants when it comes to relationships. What if he’s called bad words? Or rejected? So, he settles for safety.
The chode thinks… and does little. The chode doesn’t take real personal risks that make him feel naked and vulnerable. No, he imagines doing all the things that excite and scare him. Every once in a while, he takes a small piece of action.
The chode knows how the world should work. Ask a chode a question and it’s like talking to a binary machine: Things should be like this. Things should be like that. But they aren’t. And it’s because people aren’t doing what they should do.
It crosses his mind that the world may be infinitely complex and require effort at making sense of pieces of it through trial and error. Through reading and humility. But meh.
The chode thinks he’s the ‘nice guy.’ Nope. He’s just agreeable and terrified of being judged for actually having a point of view that might not sound ‘nice.’ He’s also scared to disagree with women in a conversation.
He has no teeth, only false smiles and nods. Inside, he wishes he could have the nerve to be as offensive as a rapper. *‘F*** those cool kid jock A-holes who say what they actually think and own their sexuality. They’ll never find true love!’*
The chode is very manipulative. Everyone wants to feel some degree of power over their own life. The chode’s domain of influence is in subtle coercion. Emotional manipulation.
He’ll be the type of person to guilt-trip his partner into getting his own way. He’ll say one thing and mean another. He’ll make vague threats based on insecurity. He’s the victim, and his partner’s making him bleed.
The chode is judgmental. If a girl has had sex with more than 2 people, the chode will probably say she’s a slut. A guy with swagger is probably a prick or a douchebag. He generally finds reasons why his insecurities are because of someone else. He pulls down others who have ideas that are unfamiliar to him, like crabs in a barrel.
The chode has oneitis. He believes there’s one person out there for each one of us – that special one person – that once in a lifetime person. This person may be his close friend who already has a partner.
Don’t blame the chode; he has no other options in love *he might deceive himself into thinking he does but has no track-record*. He might assume he could be a player if only he wasn’t such a ‘nice guy’ *he’s actually scared to be direct about what he wants*.
Once he goes through a breakup, it suddenly hits just how weak his game is. That’s when he can begin the journey of de-chodifying himself.
Well, I didn’t go easy on chodes. And with good reason. Chodes don’t make a better world. To be a chode is to practice weakness and blame-culture. But the good news is the first step to not being a chode is realizing you are one *if you are*. And to get working on some game if that’s the case.
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